On Romance

It's been kind of amazing how much I relate to Kara Danvers in the Supergirl TV series.

Sometimes, it feels like the episode I'm watching has been perfectly timed to address a pressing concern in my life, such as the beginning of Season Two, where Cat Grant tells Kara that she is on the brink of greatness and she needs to stop being a wimp and jump (basically). Taking on more administrative duties at the family business has me feeling the same anxieties, worried about whether I'll be able to handle the great responsibilities of leading the dojang, and hesitatnt to abandon the comfort of success in my current position.

I had another such moment the other day. (Spoilers ahead if you've never watched Supergirl.)

Watching the budding romance between Kara and Mon-El made me a little wistful, and made me wonder if I should stop watching Supergirl if it was going to exacerbate feelings of loneliness. I'd recently decided to focus only on myself and the dojang, and I briefly debated crowd-sourcing on Facebook for a show with a strong female lead sans romance.

Literally less than a minute after this thought, another thought thundered into my head. This should be another place in my life where I lead by example.

I often think my students inspire me and not the other way around. In Taekwondo club at the University of Virginia, I came to the realization that, in the middle of yearning for a strong woman martial artist role model, that I had already become that person for others.

Some other examples of small efforts I make are to avoid negative language about body image around my students. I do not talk about how guilty I am eating a dessert, even if I feel that way internally. Young girls need role models who think of food as fuel, not as guilt trips. I take pride in showing girls through my actions and words that the feats my body are capable of are more important than looking a certain way.

I also choose not to wear makeup because, first of all, I work out all day and can't be bothered, and secondly, to show my students that not all women have to wear makeup to be comfortable in their own skin or to feel valid. I do enjoy makeup and have nothing against it, but I personally don't feel the need to wear it all of the time.

So why not reject the idea of single ladies being sad and lonely, too? Not that students ask about my relationship status, but I think that instead of being bittersweet about it when people do ask, I should show my enthusiasm for what I am doing right now.

My standard answer has been, "I'm too busy with work to pursue a relationship!" However, I want to show that I am not completely turned off of the idea, and would be happy if someone came into my life and complemented me. I do not require someone to make me whole - I am already whole. It's like how coffee is great by itself but oh boy, does the proper pastry elevate coffee break!

Instead, I'll have to answer with, "If that person comes along one day, that'd be nice. But my life right now is also full - full of the love I have for my students and the passion that I have for my work."

Besides, everyone keeps telling me that it will just "happen" so it's about time I listened to their advice.

Especially for my younger students, I want to show that there is no shame in just focusing on yourself and no need to waste time on useless dates or pretending to be someone you're not to be in a relationship or to get married quickly before an arbitrary age limit where you're considered an old biddy.

So for now, I'm going to embrace what I've got. There will be days I still feel a little wanting. That's okay and I'll probably treat myself to brighten up my day. Overall, however, I'm going to focus on other aspects of my life instead of dating and marriage.

#supergirl #love